| Saturday, April 24th, 2004 |
| 11:29 am |
its saturday i lost my job three weeks ago iam currently doing some landscaping till i find a new plumbing job its nice out so iam going to go outside and play |
| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004 |
| 2:27 pm |
i swear iam not dead
well its been a while and alot has happened since i last up dated my journal iam short on time so thi will be quick i got a car- 1987 vw gti it rocks i died my hair black i joined a gym iam working out 4 times a week i fell in love with the most beautiful girl and she makes me so fuking happy partyed hard in OC this weekend work sucks but i got to go i need money tottaling my car has fucked me up financaly well i gotta run I'll up date soon i swear |
| Saturday, February 7th, 2004 |
| 9:42 am |
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| Sunday, February 1st, 2004 |
| 3:06 pm |
could i be happy
last night rocked don't want to go into it might jinks it but i had fun |
| Wednesday, January 28th, 2004 |
| 9:39 am |
i had a weird dream last night i dreamnt of someone i haven't seen or talked to or eventhought about for a long time. iam traped i can't acomplish anything iam deppressed and alone i hate the cold |
| Sunday, January 18th, 2004 |
| 6:08 pm |
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| Monday, January 12th, 2004 |
| 12:25 pm |
its been along time
i still don't have a car party ed hard saturday tried to go snowboarding sunday with only 3 hours of sleep the night before not a good idea have you ever been so miserable your happy |
| Thursday, January 1st, 2004 |
| 12:38 am |
another year yeah lets see how bad this one can be |
| Saturday, December 27th, 2003 |
| 7:22 am |
i should be dead
i totaled my jeep i fliped it bounced 15 feet in the air then rolled 5 or 6 times iam all bruised and cut up stiches in my chin staples in my head lost cupple pints of blood did it on christmas |
| Monday, December 15th, 2003 |
| 5:10 am |
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| Thursday, December 4th, 2003 |
| 9:29 am |
you kill me quick with your words like a thousand daggers i feel them piercing my body i die if i lissen i freeze if i ignore |
| Friday, November 14th, 2003 |
| 3:43 pm |
i wish i was smart i wish i was funny i wish i was atractive i wish i was drunk |
| Monday, November 3rd, 2003 |
| 3:31 pm |
does any body know what i did this weekend because i don't remember
what a crazy weekend poters party friday, got really fucked up god bless beer bong even though there was some drama it still was a good time, transvestites are funny, espationly when a guyis making out with one and he doesn't know its not a girl but every one else does saturday big ass bonfire jimmy was drunk and throwing up 9 i was lifted pretty much the hole night rock out sunday was rtecovery until i decided to get fucked up again i don'tknow how i got home last night i was fucked up good times, reallity is just a cruch for the sober |
| Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003 |
| 9:25 pm |
car broke down again, my wrist is broke, iam completly missarable, could one good thing happen to me. id slit my wrist but my right hands in cast |
| Tuesday, October 14th, 2003 |
| 10:38 pm |
just wrote this
you can find me here bleeding and bruised with blood shot eyes and broken bottles you can find me here holding on to photographs and memories you can find me here drowning in my own defeat you can find me here cold and alone terified that this is a dream, and i may never wake you can find me here waiting longing trying to see bright skys but its hard to see threw these tears and these beautiful lies |
| 3:43 pm |
there's no will to go on there's just the will to live
i have cometo a dead end, i can't go back the way i came an i have no energy to clear my own path so i think i'll stay here lost for a while i died my hair again, bleached exept for the tips i died them black the follownig comments r geting old hey how was the mest show last night whats up tennis ball it looks like you shoved your head up a hores ass (THAT WAS ONLY SAID TO ME WANTS BUT IF IT IS SAID TO ME AGAIN I WILL LAY A MOTHER FUUKER OUT) hey hows benji doing theres more but iam tired of talking about that. oh and any joke that starts out like "where you doing the laundry and..." any who got in a car acident last night started school last night last night suced ass, went to a haunted house saturday it sucked ass sunk a 4-wheeler sunday that sucked ass my life preety much sucks ass oh and i have decided to continue to smoke to much depression to quit, geuss iam down to only one thing that will make me quit |
| Wednesday, October 8th, 2003 |
| 3:33 pm |
iam hacking up a lung or two so you'll notice when iam around
iam quiting smoking seriously i have always said there where two things that would make me quit A girlfriend told me to or if i ever cought up blood i have hacked up peices of lung before we all have but today at work i cought it felt like a normal cough felt like nothin but mukis came out till ifelt somethin wet on the hand i had covered my mouth with. i look down there was blood not smoking any more, well at lest after iam done this pack. my beard looks sweat its a shame i have to shave it off friday. geting my hair died not just tips this time going all the way. like i did the first time fuck yeah other than nothing new has ocured |
| Sunday, October 5th, 2003 |
| 1:50 pm |
spin to left spin to the right and then spin back to the left turn handle open door reach in side pop in the clip pull on the slide flick the switch under the chine in the mouth to the temple on both sides violently shacking the entire time pull down to side, safety on drop the clip put in side shut the door start to cry i need one more day to make a few more mistakes |
| Saturday, October 4th, 2003 |
| 11:09 am |
iam the black jellybean
rain, the sky is grey i feel at peace as i sit here in peaces. MY chest is heavy, every breah i take is a chore, another fake smile, another little lie, another day i want to curl up and die. iam bleeding now, lost broken and confuesed i pass out. i awake to find nothing has change. this will be another day to wallow in pain. trying to go back from where i had came. but i can't go back iam unwanted, uninvited, and iam descusting to view. iam a wrached sight ugly and disfigured. the sight of me makes you gag. and i leave a bitter taste, iam the black jell bean discared from the bag. every once the red green and yellow ones iam left sitting in the bottom of an empty bag cold and alone waiting to be squashed and put out of my missary. kill me quick |
| Thursday, October 2nd, 2003 |
| 3:47 pm |
cars dead iam dying someone put me out of my missery
well i have nothing left. my car is gone to shit, iam broke some one kill me. on a kinda happy note i found a song. one i wish i had writen, a song that says everything i feel. i only have two songs that make me feel this way, febuary stars by the foo fighters, and my new one, several ways to die trying by Dashboard Confessional heres the lyrics Pacific sun, you should have warned us, it gets cold here And the night can freeze before you set it on fire And our flames go unnoticed Diminished, faded just as soon as ther are fired We are, we are, intrigued. We are, we are, invisible Oh, how we've shouted, how we've screamed Take notice, take interest, take me with you But all our fears on deaf ears Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light And blinding our hearts with their shining lies While closing our caskets cold and tight, but I'm dying to live Pacific sun, you should have warned us, these heights are dizzying And the climb can kill you long before the fall And our trails go unmarked and unmapped And covered just as soon as they are crossed We are, we are, intriguing. We are, we are, desirable |
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